I am 99% sure that Flatliners is not a horror movie

Okay, so I want to clear up some confusion going around. Some seem to be under the impression that the 2017 movie Flatliners is a horror. Well I have analysed the trailer and I find this very confusing as it is clearly a Diego Luna Med School AU Fanfic. Let’s begin:

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First off the real horror in this trailer is that Diego Luna doesn’t appear until about a minute, and his first appearance appears to be in a blurry background. A less creepy person may not have even noticed him off there in the corner but that person is not me.

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However we are rewarded for our patience by not only a shot of Diego Luna in his med coat but then also stripping off his coat.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 22.56.31.pngThank you movie lords. Also the movie’s Wikipedia page claims that his name is Ray, and also that a bunch of other attractive individuals are the main characters, which is of course ridiculous as Dr Ray is obviously the star of this picture WHY ELSE WOULD WE BE WATCHING THESE THINGS.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 22.57.03.pngDr Ray M.D’s arm in a fine grey jumper tends to a patient I’m going to choose to call Terry. As it is Dr Ray tending to him I’m going to assume that the sheer power of his touch revives Terry.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 22.57.28.pngAnother successful operation complete, Diego Luna, medical student and his fellow med friends, tend to their patient, Paul.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 22.57.42.pngIf you have seen any episode of any medical show made after the year 2000 then you know that med students work hard and party harder – and I’ve seen Grey’s Anatomy – screw like bunnies – but we’ll get to that later. Medical Student MD shows off his fun side by doing shots with his fellow med students/patients/roommates?- I don’t know none of them have been in a Star Wars movie.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 22.58.20.pngMed Student MD holds his liquor as everyone else runs around the street like fools. He humbly agrees not to let the camera close up on him as everyone else is in a long shot and the world suffers for it.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 22.58.32.pngDr Ray strides through the corridors with the people he is pretending are his peers, even though Diego Luna is 37 and everyone else is in their early 30’s or late 20’s, officially making him the sexy middle-aged version of the Steve Buscemi ‘how do you do fellow kids’ meme. Though of course everyone is that compared to Kiersey Clemmons, who’s 23. (KIERSEY IF THEY EVER GET ROUND TO MAKING THAT FLASH MOVIE I’LL DO ONE OF THESE FOR YOU)

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Dr Ray, MD. PHD, BA, ESQ, is just so happy to be happy you guys.

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 23.01.16.pngDr Jay disapproves of a new experimental treatment that involves solely his healing touch bringing people back to life through pure desire to see Diego Luna’s face one last time.

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Dr Ray begins to doubt himself in a fabulous grey long sleeved number, which whilst beautiful is not as tight as the blue shirt. 4½ / 5.

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Dr Ray’s healing touch saves another patient- Hey did you guys know Ellen Page was in this movie- what do you mean she’s the main character – WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS THE PROTAGONIST OF THIS MOVIE IS DR RAY, MEDICAL STUDENT, MD, PHD.

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Dr Ray rocks a hair bun while making the moves on Nina Dobrev, fulfilling a number of people’s very specific fantasy of being Nina Dobrev and hooking up with a variety of attractive actors (DON’T TRY TO DENY IT INTERNET I’VE SEEN THE TUMBLR ‘IMAGINES’)

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Dr Ray finally gets frustrated with his lack of screen time and responds by denying his face. This on it’s own nearly kills a patient.

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Dr Ray begins to think that the life saving business may be too stressful and contemplates becoming a barista instead.

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But the world still needs Dr Ray’s biceps to revive his patient/fellow med student/roommate – look have you guys never seen Grey’s Anatomy – every doctor ends up a patient eventually (RIP GEORGE O’ MALLEY – I HATED YOU BUT GODDAMN YOU HAD A TRAGIC DEATH).  

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The world mourns as Dr Ray throws on a sweater – that being said it is a cute sweater – wait – wait – is that – is that Ethan Chandler adorably out of place for the Victorian era sweater???

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I believe it is.

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The room itself begins to come alive at Dr Ray’s power. How will Dr Ray cope with being this attractive? You’ll just have to watch Flatliners when it comes out the 29th September this year for the continued adventures of Dr Ray and his attractive but not as attractive patients/roommates/science friends.


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